Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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