she woke up with a sticky ear
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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