piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
