It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
