Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
