i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
