the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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