I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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