If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
