her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
