my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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