i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
