accomplished twins. life is a go
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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