The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
