Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
