no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
