hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
