a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
