Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
