Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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