I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
