His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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