you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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