Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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