My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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