Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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