Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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