Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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