3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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