did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
