Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
