why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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