The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
