I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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