dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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