Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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