yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
