I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
