I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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