i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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