At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
