we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
