It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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