i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
