dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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