ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
