Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
