i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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