One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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