I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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