My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
