I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
