I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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